Five to 10 years. A bus full of children. A: When the punchline becomes apparent. "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" 18. It's a good thing he drives a Civic. They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. “Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!” – “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”. 99. What animal has five legs? You will cry your pants off. 64. They are both thinking “my mom is gonna kill me”. I just drive everywhere.

Take a look at these 50 hilarious dark jokes, and if you catch yourself guffawing despite the gruesome subject matter, you may just be the kindest, most intelligent person you know. “I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! And the judge gave me 15 years. I called a suicide hotline in Iraq…They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck. Son, “Mommy, mommy, daddy hanged himself in the attic!” Mother, “What??! 50. It just made her more upset. "Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. 47. At last you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents! 23. Crash and burn What’s yellow and black and makes you laugh? Doctor: I understand. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey. 53. It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. Probably that bullet. 67. I hate having visitors. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. 65. What has more brains than the Columbine students? For whatever reason I’ve always found dark jokes to be the funniest kind of humor. 79. My boss said to me, “you’re the worst train driver ever. I was going to tell a dead baby  joke but I decided to abort. I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.

These dark jokes are not for kids, they are mean, degrading, sarcastic and quite tasteless. Just the Rottweiler. Dark humor can be quite funny. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. They laughed at my crayon drawing. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He hangs in the garage.”, 29. Only for 20 seconds though, and only once. I can barely hear my kids now. Nice to see so many new faces here today! An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." 26. My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. 82. 32. My Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Atlanta Zoo. Who else would think of adding gas? 94. Did Jesus die a virgin? What’s white on top and black on the bottom?

", A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. 21. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.

The wheelchair.

48. I think it’s the reminder of your own mortality that makes you more eager to accept the levity of a good joke.

41. “Siri, why am I still single? the patient asked.

"I love a man who cares about animals. Why? Where do you work?" When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach.". Onions was such a good dog. But 99% of you will never get it. They already lost 2 towers. Fair enough. 61. We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics.

22. It’s because I amputated your arms!”, 98. What's yellow and can't swim? On occasion, we also use cookies to collect information from our toddlers, but that’s a totally different thing. 92. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier. So I threw him out. What did the man with no hands get for Christmas? However, you might feel bad for laughing at dark jokes.

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough. 96. When a women removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye. 101. But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it…. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. What's more, they're less negative and aggressive than people who strictly prefer G-rated family-friendly jokes. Get a laugh at the best (or, rather, worst) one-liners that humanity can think up. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?". "Are you still holding the ladder?". 57. 52. You can’t say that Hitler was bad through and through. Choose your words wisely when you're both vulnerable. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I could walk away at a comfortable pace. He was so good at his job, I don't even care. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. Sheesh! Dark humor can be quite funny. One shot to my girlfriend’s kneecap was all it took. I mean – you’ve got a gun, haven’t you?! And I lost my job as a bus driver! For those of you who think you would not be offended, trust me, these jokes will knock your socks off. Everywhere. Do you want a bag with it? 60. Patient: What condition? A: When it leaves you and never comes back. What is it that you do?” He: “I’m a butcher.”. Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats sinister subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't. "And we're not there yet," the doctor said. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "I can help. A brick. 100. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

33. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body! 35. Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now. 3. Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. He did kill Hitler, after all. My wife called today and said the dishwasher was leaking…I came home with tampons. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

"Just say NO to drugs!" 6. Dark humor is a fun and often necessary way to get through hard times, including the COVID-19 pandemic. The doctor gave me one year to live. "That's so sweet," she replies. What's the difference between jelly and jam? My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. The 20 funniest black jokes. Hey, until we get the DNA test, I’m just Harry to you! "That's the good news?" So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. A man wakes from a coma. So, if you laugh at any of these jokes… Grandpa: you can’t have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren’t allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine. There was a face off in the corner. 31. 95. If so, then it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"—and it's not for everyone, obviously. 72. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. "What's the bad news?" "But I'm not dead yet!" Depends on how hard you can throw. 12. 7. It's true, and it's been proven by science. A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? These type of jokes require a bit more emotional control and science has proven that people who get dark jokes usually have higher IQs. With that in mind, check out the top 101 dark humor jokes. You said you would never forget…. Stab it twenty three times.

Q: When does a joke become a dad joke? Well, except one guy. 42. 62. 68. 34. My grief counselor died the other day. Do you think you’ll be next?” We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals. I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.

11. 1. Today was a terrible day. One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

I hate these double standards…if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re “doing a good job” do it at home and your “destroying evidence”.

Mom, why is my backpack so heavy? Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section. The blind start reading your face. 51. 80. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone.

Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?". I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere. 10. Is My Kid Evil? Whether you've gotten your check yet or not, these hilarious stimulus checks jokes will make you smile. A: When it’s fully groan. "What should I do?"

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